The Obnoxious Confidence

28 Nov

The bulging confidence

I have always been one of those guys who got everything on the right time and at the right place. There was never “NO” in my life and may be I can thank my luck for that.  If I seriously thought of something, take the word into notice, ” seriously” yes, if I took things seriously, then the entire Universe used to conspire for supporting me. My childhood had a cluster of dreams, dreams  of doing something great. Thanks to my Dad who always motivated, and is still motivating me to do something, which makes him a proud father. There was always a river of optimism flowing into my brain, which closed doors for “NO”  and pessimistic thoughts. I always perceived that anything is possible, if I put “serious” efforts for achieving it. There is a very thin line between confidence and over-confidence. As years passed by, the optimistic thoughts in my sub-conscious transformed me into an over-confident guy.  I started feeling the change in my thought-process and character. Even before I knew, I was reckless because the level of  my over-confidence always kept on scaling new heights.  It’s not that I did not realize the change within, but my over-confidence was too mighty to be tackled, so it eventually succeeded in  conquering my mind as I kept on faltering.

Imagine, you are falling from a mountain, in that case you have not much to do apart from hoping desperately that some heavenly power comes and saves you from falling. This was my condition. Finally, I reached an all time low, where people have very few options to do apart from suicide. I chose to live and give “life” a second chance. Things changed from thereon, I was now hearing “NO” quite often and my optimistic thoughts were a thing past. It is said that one virus is enough to corrupt the entire system.  Something similar happened to me, as it all started with few random thoughts, which eventually forced me to raise questions on my very existence. Though I was going through a turmoil but I was still puddled, pondering why it’s happening to me because I was  never a bad guy  who harassed girls, smoked or drunk  alcohol, then why me.  But somewhere down the line my greatest weakness came to my rescue whenever I was dealing with worst situations. My habit of not taking things seriously always acted as a messiah for me.

I went through innumerable forgettable  situations but I just laughed them off and forgot about them within a day or two. It had its share of advantages and disadvantages but when everything around  you is negative, you tend to search for that one positive thing which can help you sail to the coast and thereby save you from the clutches of the deadly sea.  I don’t know the exact reason for this but I never tried to correct my follies may be because I was too busy trying to get out of the quagmire or I thought it to be minuscule thing to deal with.  Things moved on, so did I. With changing times, I was successfully able to come out of the quagmire. I was back to my cheerful self, ready to flaunt my stupid smile without any reason. Good times knocked my door and I grabbed them with open hands. It is the human tendency to forget bad times when there is onset of good times. The same happened with me. I was too quick to forget my past,thanks to my habit of not taking things seriously. But, here I noticed a twist in my life. The over-confidence, which I had thought to have died out of hunger during my bad times rose up even strongly. It was an obnoxious thing, which I wanted to get rid of but it kept hounding for me. Now I am going through the best phase of my life but it is still obnoxiously following me. Pushing me back towards an even deeper ditch, from where rising up would be even tougher but I have learnt to rise up after falling so failure does not scare me anymore. What still gives me sleepless nights is my over-confidence. Hope someday, someway, somewhere I somehow dismantle and then crush it.



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Posted by on November 28, 2011 in A doorway to my life


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